Have you ever found yourself in this situation? You've had a lovely first date with a nice girl and she said she wants to meet again. There was a mutual attraction and it couldn't have been more relaxed if Barry White himself had been singing playing just for you.
Now, onto the next meeting. You know they want to meet up 
again, so that's not an issue, but this stage is a minefield and a million things can throw a potential relationship in the garbage. Firstly, it should be nice and relaxed. What's worse than a tense situation, especially when romance is involved?
Sometimes it's just bad luck or circumstance. For instance, I had a great date with a girl first time around, going out for drinks and then to the cinema. It was relaxed and fun. We met again a week later, but this time I'd suffered a bereavement. I had considered putting the date off until I was feeling more like myself again, but she was going away on holiday and wanted to see me before she went. So, I was hoping for a quiet drink to suit my mood, but she was in the mood for a buzzing social time and playing pool with strangers. It was frustrating that she wasn't willing to compromise a little to suit what I needed, but it was a second date and she didn't have to put up with me feeling down. I think it's good to find out early on if someone is unwilling to deal with someone else's vulnerability, because it could become relevant further down the line.
Recently, I had a lovely first date with a girl who came across as outgoing and fun. We went for a few drinks at a pub and were totally
buzzing in each other's company. It was the perfect date in every way; we were both relaxed and totally on the same wavelength. But, the second date... She hadn't had much sleep the night before, she'd had a terrible day at work and she was in the process of moving house. Her way of coping with this scenario was to talk, a lot. Unfortunately, what she talked about included her previous relationships, mistakes she'd made in her life and her stressful job. I tried to steer the conversation towards something more positive, but she related everything back to the past and seemed to put a negative spin on everything. It became a little tiring for me to listen to such things, when I was hoping for a light-hearted time.
I remembered the other date when I was the one feeling tired and down. When vulnerability is thrown into the mix so early in the getting-to-know-each-other process, it can be extremely hard to keep the momentum going. I found myself trying to get a word in, as she began a torrent of self-esteem bashing, bad jokes and closed questions about my ex-girlfriends. When she finally ran out of steam and allowed me time to talk, there wasn't a lot I felt like saying. It was as if she'd put her heart on the table and bashed it with a stick. I found myself trying to be positive and offering advice about how to learn from life mistakes.
It's very revealing to see how people act when they're tired or stressed. Perhaps the answer is to put a date off until both parties are feeling more relaxed and can give a better impression
of themselves. I was considering whether it was worth meeting up with her again, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she then decided to tell me she was hung up on her ex and wasn't ready to date. It's mad how the same person can have such an opposing mindset on two different occasions.
Perhaps second dates aren't actually cursed, but they are certainly difficult to get right. I think the answer is to release any expectations. So many people, including me, often feel pressure during a second date because, if you like the other person, that's when hope for a relationship can start to build. Keeping things casual for longer is a way to make sure that neither person feels that kind of needless pressure. I respect any couple who have managed to get through a second date; they've managed to get beyond something truly baffling!
.
again, so that's not an issue, but this stage is a minefield and a million things can throw a potential relationship in the garbage. Firstly, it should be nice and relaxed. What's worse than a tense situation, especially when romance is involved?Sometimes it's just bad luck or circumstance. For instance, I had a great date with a girl first time around, going out for drinks and then to the cinema. It was relaxed and fun. We met again a week later, but this time I'd suffered a bereavement. I had considered putting the date off until I was feeling more like myself again, but she was going away on holiday and wanted to see me before she went. So, I was hoping for a quiet drink to suit my mood, but she was in the mood for a buzzing social time and playing pool with strangers. It was frustrating that she wasn't willing to compromise a little to suit what I needed, but it was a second date and she didn't have to put up with me feeling down. I think it's good to find out early on if someone is unwilling to deal with someone else's vulnerability, because it could become relevant further down the line.
Recently, I had a lovely first date with a girl who came across as outgoing and fun. We went for a few drinks at a pub and were totally
buzzing in each other's company. It was the perfect date in every way; we were both relaxed and totally on the same wavelength. But, the second date... She hadn't had much sleep the night before, she'd had a terrible day at work and she was in the process of moving house. Her way of coping with this scenario was to talk, a lot. Unfortunately, what she talked about included her previous relationships, mistakes she'd made in her life and her stressful job. I tried to steer the conversation towards something more positive, but she related everything back to the past and seemed to put a negative spin on everything. It became a little tiring for me to listen to such things, when I was hoping for a light-hearted time.I remembered the other date when I was the one feeling tired and down. When vulnerability is thrown into the mix so early in the getting-to-know-each-other process, it can be extremely hard to keep the momentum going. I found myself trying to get a word in, as she began a torrent of self-esteem bashing, bad jokes and closed questions about my ex-girlfriends. When she finally ran out of steam and allowed me time to talk, there wasn't a lot I felt like saying. It was as if she'd put her heart on the table and bashed it with a stick. I found myself trying to be positive and offering advice about how to learn from life mistakes.
It's very revealing to see how people act when they're tired or stressed. Perhaps the answer is to put a date off until both parties are feeling more relaxed and can give a better impression
of themselves. I was considering whether it was worth meeting up with her again, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she then decided to tell me she was hung up on her ex and wasn't ready to date. It's mad how the same person can have such an opposing mindset on two different occasions.Perhaps second dates aren't actually cursed, but they are certainly difficult to get right. I think the answer is to release any expectations. So many people, including me, often feel pressure during a second date because, if you like the other person, that's when hope for a relationship can start to build. Keeping things casual for longer is a way to make sure that neither person feels that kind of needless pressure. I respect any couple who have managed to get through a second date; they've managed to get beyond something truly baffling!
.
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